Let’s chat about dating, more specifically who you are pursuing; imposter or purpose? I want to share some red flags you can look out for to recognize whether he is an imposter or a man of true purpose.
If you’ve been looking/waiting I’m sure you have noticed the lack of godly suitors.
I am right here with you! And we can all agree, it’s BRUTAL out here.
I’ve had a few experiences and that’s where I am pulling from.
I’ve been in one serious relationship and a few non-dating experiences. If you want to hear more in-depth about my serious relationship, I will link it down below.
Guys have left me feeling confused, annoyed, and frustrated.
Actually, if I am being completely honest, sometimes they have left me questioning myself.
My beauty, my worth, my desires.
To share a few….
1: a guy flexed his minister license but later asked for inappropriate photos. No nudes but ones that still left me feeling uncomfortable and saying bye-bye.
2: a guy made his intention to pursue me for the purpose of marriage clear, just to then be inconsistent.
3: a mix signal guy. Would say and do one thing and then later another. Making it impossible for me to know where he and we stood.
I know I’m not the only one that has dealt with wish-washy men like this! And in case you need a reminder, it’s not a reflection of your worth.
And if you’re like me, you’ve probably even asked yourself,
“Am I asking for too much?”
The answer is no!
We are only seeking and praying for a man that the Bible describes and God designed.
Before we jump into some red flags and positive signs to look out for I want to make 2 things clear.
Firstly,I am by no means, encouraging perfection. That does not exist. Your significant other will be flawed. But I do believe in looking for a perfectly imperfect person for you!
Lastly, everything I share can and does apply to men looking for their significant other too. This is not about excluding men in similar situations. Relationships are 50/50.
IMPOSTER OR PURPOSE: RED FLAGS OR POTENTIAL?
1: WORDS VS ACTIONS
John 3:18 says, “Your words speak louder than words.”
Plainly put, if a man is saying all the right things but can’t back those words up with his actions, that should raise concern.
2: CONSISTENCY (ALL)
When paying attention to his words vs actions, consistency is key too!
Matthew 7:16 -18 says, “16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.”
In order to bear true fruit, there must be consistency. Fruit does not grow under stagnant conditions. Meaning, it’s easy to live for God when everything is great. Or, it’s easy to be on time for work when just starting.
But what changes when life happens, when the enemy starts attacking?
Consistency plays into every part of life; work, church, family, friendships, God.
Is he on and off with any of those things?
If there is any inconsistency, pay attention as to why. Real consistency doesn’t just take place when things come easy or when you’re in the mood.
Consistency builds discipline!
3: ATTITUDE/OUTLOOK
How is the world viewed? Does he always blame anyone and everyone for his situation? Does he focus more on the negative rather than counting his blessings?
You do not want to have to be the cheerleader 24/7, it gets exhausting!
I know.
4: HOT & COLD
This one is more about how he is specifically towards you.
Does he talk to you a lot for a week and then the next you don’t hear anything?
Does he say things that tell you he’s interested but then never makes the time to pursue you?
When a man is truly serious about pursuing, he will first communicate that to you and then he will show that through his actions!
5: MATURITY
An easy way to measure one’s maturity is again by the fruit that they bear. After some consistency, there should be a change.
If someone is constantly “working” on the same issue but their actions/mentality/emotions are still at the same level, that’s a sign of a growth problem.
Another thing would be to pay attention to the growth. Make sure it’s true growth and not just actions to get rewards.
6: OPENNESS & COMMUNICATION
Honesty is so important in a relationship! Pay attention to how willing he is to share certain things. When he does fall short, is he willing to be open about why, or does he just want the “forgive and forget” every time?
How much does he let you in?
7: THEIR TALK
I wanted to mention this one because it’s one most don’t think about.
The Bible says that out of the heart, the mouth speaks.
So for example.
Does he make subliminal racist jokes or sexist comments?
Or when other’s do, how does he engage?
Now, I am not saying that one never says something he/she doesn’t mean.
We all do!
I am just saying, pay attention to how much. Then, address the deeper issue.
The heart.
I saved the best for last!
Your personal red flags. What do I mean by that?
Your gut feelings.
8: PEACE OR RUN GIRL RUN
Here’s the thing, if you keep getting an off feeling when something happens more than likely that’s a sign.
Remember I’m speaking from experience.
I also know what it’s like to then question yourself and wonder if it’s just you assuming the worse.
So far, my gut has always been right.
Ask yourself,
“Are there things I withhold from the people I trust?”
“Am I brushing any weird situations aside?”
Do not ignore those feelings to hold onto a fantasy.
Remember that every single person is full of mixed flags. Our job when seeking a godly companion is not only prayer, and asking for guidance, but also outweighing any flags presented.
If there’s been a month of talking and you have noticed some flags, maybe even addressed some but nothing has changed, that’s probably a good sign to reevaluate.
Time does tell all. But don’t misuse time either. If you know, you know!
Keep your chin up and faith in God.
The person you are praying for is praying for you too!
And when God brings him into your life the good will outweigh the bad, his heart will be honest, and his intentions clear.
Far from an imposter.
Full of purpose.
And even though I may not know you personally, I’m so excited for you and the things God wants to fulfill in your life!
Love,
Samantha Nicole.
POEM:
When you choose to actively pursue a man that has chosen the same with you,These are things you need to remember.Although his looks may be pleasant on the eyes. His titles and positions make him sound important Even though he has 600+ followers and people know of him. Remember his physical attributes will not stay the same,his title and position could all be vain, and all those people who follow him, he could be leading astray.So please remember to pursue his heart, his relationship with God, his mindset, dreams, and goals.Those things will show you if he truly is a Man of God. – Samantha Nicole
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